Building Stone Walls

I spent my Wednesday building a stone wall around our chicken run. Just me, no additional helpers, working hard to burn off some anger. Our family had a traumatic experience on the Homestead this week, and I was left home to keep this from repeating.  I worked hard, carrying small and large stones, trying to ignore the hurt resonating inside. The voice in my head, admonishing myself, knowing this could have been prevented had we been a little more careful.

Our chickens are getting smarter, and escaping from their safe little coop. The grass looking tasty on the other side of the fence, I have spent several days catching chickens and placing them back where they belong. Well, Sunday afternoon our Husky dog, Sandy, got to one of our beloved chickens and maimed her. I don't think Sandy meant to hurt her, I 'm sure she was just playing. Sandy cowered after she was found with the hurt chicken, as if to say "I'm sorry". Unfortunately the damage was done, and the Chicken died the next morning.

 

The interesting thing about this event was how much we were saddened by the chicken's fate. We had just butchered three of our roosters a few weeks back, and that didn't bother my girls too much - or I for that matter. But this was different. We wrapped up our little chicken in a towel, and took turns holding her and making her comfortable. Tears were shed, as we knew the fate of our hurt friend was not going to be a happy one.

 

As I built the stone wall around the chicken fence, I kept mulling over the event and how it affected our family. As a City Gone Country Girl, this is my first experience of losing a farm animal. This was also the first for my two girls, experiencing death of a beloved pet. As a mother I want to protect my girls from experiences such as this! I know it was bound to happen, but to lose it to our family dog just seemed so senseless. We tried hard to be careful to keep our chickens safe from predators. I knew we had some updating to do, and the rock wall will keep predators (and Sandy) from digging under the fence. A net over top will keep our chickens from flying out and Chicken Hawks from getting in. If we had just done this sooner...

 

While stacking the rocks one by one, I felt better knowing I am trying my best to protect the rest of the flock. As I worked building my chicken stone wall, Sandy worked hard digging holes next to the wall; as to tell me "You can't keep me out mom! I'm still gonna try"! I can't harbor too much anger toward Sandy, it is her instinct as a Husky to dig and hunt.

 

Working on the stone wall made me ponder some about my life. How many times have I built "stone walls" in hopes to prevent emotional trauma? To answer that question, many times! When hard things happen, I naturally tend to withdrawal and build "stone walls" to protect myself from being hurt again. I have learned over the years that this tactical stance does not necessarily protect me, it just makes me lonely. As these "stone walls" are built to protect us from hurt feelings, it also blocks our ability to engage in relationships and make friends. The fear of emotional pain keeps the "stone walls" up, but lessens one's ability to experience life fully.

 

Once I placed the final rocks along the chicken stone wall, I felt better about the safety of my chickens. I felt a burden lifted, anger dissipated, knowing I did my best to protect my little creatures that I have come to love so! I also know that this little stone wall will remind me to be forgiving; to my dog, to others, and to myself. I can work hard creating barriers for protection, but sometimes things will pass those barriers. The "stone walls" built for emotional protection need to be knocked down, one by one, if I want to take in all that life has in store. 

 

Knock down those "stone walls"  - vulnerability is part of human companionship.

With companionship comes pain, joy, sorrow, happiness, and love!

May we experience it all, deeply and fully as meant to be!
Jenn ~ City Gone Country Girl